Mama’s Writing is Raising Mothers’ monthly interview series, curated by Deesha Philyaw.

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Kavita Das writes about culture, race, gender, and their intersections. Nominated for a 2016 Pushcart Prize, Kavita’s work has been published in CNN, Teen Vogue, Catapult, Fast Company, Tin House, Longreads, The Atlantic, Los Angeles Review of Books, The Washington Post, Kenyon Review, NBC News Asian America, Guernica, Quartz, The Rumpus, and elsewhere. Her first book, Poignant Song: The Life and Music of Lakshmi Shankar (Harper Collins India), a biography about the Grammy-nominated Hindustani singer, was published in June 2019. Kavita is at work on her next book, Sparking Change on the Page: Lessons and Reflections on Writing About Social Issues (Beacon Press, Fall 2022). She lives in New York with her husband, baby daughter, and hound. Find her work at Kavitadas.com and on Twitter: @kavitamix

Raising Mothers: Are there days when you feel like a mother who writes, and others when you feel like a writer who is a mother?

Kavita Das: I had my first baby, Daya, in the fall of 2019 as a forty-five year-old, seven years into my writing career and just months after my first book Poignant Song: The Life and Music of Lakshmi Shankar was published. During her first few months, when I was fortunate enough to have childcare, I saw myself as a writer who was a mother. I was struggling with figuring out “what next” after my first book, which had been a passion project but also with feelings of guilt for leaving my child with someone else while I scurried to my writing space to wrestle with words on a page. But then the pandemic hit, and I no longer had childcare and a strange thing happened as my husband and I juggled child care on top of our work. I found that although I wasn’t as productive, I loved the chance it gave me to see every moment of my child’s development. And I find myself now thinking of myself as a mother who is a writer.

Raising Mothers: How has parenting influenced your writing?

Das: Mothering and juggling childcare duties during the pandemic means I now have far fewer hours to write. Interestingly, I’m both more productive and compassionate to myself. Before becoming a mother, I spent so much time pondering if I should write something and fighting imposter syndrome. Now, I literally don’t have time or mindspace for that. If I’m lucky enough to carve out time to write, I make the most of it. I also find that I’m writing the things I most want to write, things that intimidated me before.

Raising Mothers: How has writing influenced your parenting?

Das: I’m not by nature a patient person. And since I came to writing later in my life, I used to feel like I need to make up for lost time. But writing can’t be rushed and neither can mothering. They require total presence and patience and I absolutely believe that I’ve brought those attributes from my writing to my mothering – when I’m with Daya, I’m focused on her.

Raising Mothers: Who are your writer-mama heroes?

Das: A writer-mama hero of mine is Mira Jacob. I love that she used difficult conversations with her growing son around race and identity as inspiration for Good Talk. I also love writers, mamas or not, who play a mothering role by mentoring marginalized writers. I think Minal Hajratwala, who was my mentor on my first book, embodies this role for BIPOC writers.

Raising Mothers: What three words describe you as a mother?

Das: Laughing, tender, amazed.

Raising Mothers: What three words describe you as a writer?

Das: Compassionate, critical, balanced.

Deesha Philyaw’s writing on race, parenting, gender, and culture has appeared in The New York Times, The Washington Post, McSweeney’s, The Rumpus, Brevity, TueNight and elsewhere. The Secret Lives of Church Ladies, her collection of short stories about Black women, sex, and the Black church, is her fiction debut.

Raising Mothers is a free online literary magazine that centers QTEnby and BIWoC parents. As little as $1 a month goes a long way towards supporting our editorial staff and contributors while keeping us ad-free. Become a patron today!

Mama’s Writing is Raising Mothers’ monthly interview series, curated by Deesha Philyaw.

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Toya R. Smith is a mother, a daughter, a sister, a Titi, a Black girl from West Baltimore. An Aborisha, a Blitch, a Conjurewoman. More than anything, she is a curator of joy. Her publication credits include TueNight and deadhousekeeping.

Raising Mothers: Are there days when you feel like a mother who writes, and others when you feel like a writer who is a mother? 

Toya R. Smith: At this stage in the game, I feel like a woman who is a mother and likes to write. I don’t identify as a mother, if that makes sense. I’m a woman. A Black woman. A Black woman who does many things, primary among them – mothering. I also write and dance and do makeup and read bones and on and on.

I’m waiting for that moment when I feel like a capital W Writer and beyond that, an Author. I think once I’ve had my pieces published in a few different outlets, get paid for it, and folks engage with the things I’ve written, I’ll feel like a Writer. But when I see my book on a shelf with Maya’s and Toni’s and Octavia’s and Stephen’s … well, then … Bitch, you’re an Author!

Raising Mothers: How has parenting influenced your writing?

Smith: When I was pregnant and thinking about what motherhood would look like, I decided that I would make sure I kept a part of my life that was just for me. A part my child didn’t touch. Writing is one of those parts. Sometimes I let her read pieces, but so far, parenting hasn’t made its way into my writing. This part of me belongs to me. Just like her singing and her painting belong to her. We cheer each other on and nothing is better than hearing her say she enjoys something I wrote, but I don’t need her to be in it, if you know what I mean. If she’s influenced my writing in any way, it’s because parenting is another aspect of my womanhood. I’ve grown and my mind has expanded, my imagination has increased.

Raising Mothers: How has writing influenced your parenting?

Smith: Well, my daughter just turned 17, so the beauty of this part of parenting is that she spends a lot of time entertaining herself. I finally have time to devote to writing. There’s such beauty in creating rituals around how and when I write, from making sure that I have a cup of hot tea with honey, lime, and lemon on hand to creating playlists for different genres/moods. I love that when she sees me sitting in front of the computer typing away or with my notebook in hand jotting down thoughts about future pieces, she’ll walk past and kiss the top of my head or pat my shoulder, but she doesn’t disturb me. It’s wonderful for her to see me this way and respect what I’m doing.

Raising Mothers: Who are your writer-mama heroes?

Smith: Oh, Toni Morrison. Because she was TONI MORRISON while mothering and belonged to an entire circle of Black women authors doing the same – either mothering or otherwise handling life outside of their writing. Her works have changed my life. Her works have loved and lived and breathed Blackness. Toni taught me that the worlds I write can be entirely Black and that’s valid – that all the people are Black and that isn’t strange or defiant or radical. Blackness is. 

Raising Mothers: What three words describe you as a mother?

Smith: Open. Fun. Encouraging. (I asked Sarai and these are the words she gave me.)

Raising Mothers: What three words describe you as a writer?

Smith: Cheeky. Raunchy. Real.

Deesha Philyaw’s writing on race, parenting, gender, and culture has appeared in The New York Times, The Washington Post, McSweeney’s, The Rumpus, Brevity, TueNight and elsewhere. The Secret Lives of Church Ladies, her collection of short stories about Black women, sex, and the Black church, is her fiction debut.

Raising Mothers is a free online literary magazine that centers QTEnby and BIWoC parents. As little as $1 a month goes a long way towards supporting our editorial staff and contributors while keeping us ad-free. Become a patron today!